Immigrant Families, The Three Basic Needs And Our Common Purpose: Why Do We Live?

Ayşe And The Discovery Of Virtual Meetings

The people, cities, and kinship relations I will talk about in this text have been changed for privacy purposes. I am starting from the experiences of people I know in real life, but here I will convey everything by thinking of a friend from Afyon and her older sister who went to Germany as a bride. So, what I am telling is essentially true, but I am transforming their names, places, and kinship or friendship ties with me to protect the privacy of these people. Ayşe is my friend from Afyon and we share the same ideal; that is, we both develop projects for a world where the three basic needs are guaranteed. Ayşe held virtual meetings for about two years and tried to focus on topics related to how the three basic needs could be guaranteed to make virtual meetings useful for family members. So she chose topics and questions that she thought they might be interested in, read a paragraph from her project, and asked a question related to this paragraph. She asked the participants to answer the question in alphabetical order of their names. She took notes of the answers and observed the important steps of the solution, the social, cultural, and individual psychological effects standing in front of the realization of the project from these notes. Thank God, a lot of sample documents that I can use while creating the 3need.art website were formed. Thus, Ayşe’s older sister who complains a lot about her life (Rezzan), the older sister's introverted daughter who speaks Turkish with difficulty and with a regional accent (Elanaz), Ayşe’s other older sister who is a primary school teacher and does not want to talk to Rezzan (Adel), and Adel’s daughter who stands out with her school success, Azra, and Ayşe became a virtual meeting team of five people. They met every week, prayed for God to increase their love for each other, and read the paragraph related to the project under Ayşe's moderation and spoke when it was their turn by name. They all agreed that the three basic needs should be guaranteed, but as they participated in the meetings, she experienced during this period how difficult it is to lead people, even a tiny group. From what I heard from Ayşe, I became sure of this: Even if two people are sitting side by side eating a slice of chocolate cake each, they do not get the same taste. While one thinks, "I wish there was tea with it," the other enjoys the piece of chocolate. While even two people eating the same cake feel such different things, saying to the whole world, "Your need is basically three things. Do not waste time with things beyond these," requires endless patience and working without expectations.

Migration, Consanguineous Marriage And Family Economy

Rezzan has three children. She went to Germany as a bride in 1997. She made a consanguineous marriage and married her paternal aunt's son. Metehan —her paternal aunt's son— is 2 years younger than Rezzan; when they got married, Rezzan was 20 years old while Metehan was just 18 years old. In families going from Turkey to European countries, making consanguineous marriages at early ages is very common. Many families do not want to wait for the age of 18 to marry off their children, they file age enlargement lawsuits in courts, they want to marry off their children by showing their age a few years older than they are. Although this tendency has many negative examples in the economic conditions we are in, this practice still continues. Marriage is made for economic reasons for immigrant families, just as it is throughout all history and for every period of society. This is not only because women do not have economic security, in fact, this part is not as important as we think at all, because it is a small problem that can be solved the moment we want to. The main issue is about the inheritance not being divided. The understanding that land, assets should not be divided at any cost has existed since humanity existed, and purely because of this, millions of people who do not like each other at all have had to live together and still do. Even if there is no asset that should not be divided, low-income individuals create a common economy by continuing to live their family and kinship relations in a kind of crowded family format. Generally, the father or big brother figure collects the salaries of other family members who are able to work, and the needs of the house they live in together are met from this common money pool. We frequently see a kind of composite way of life in immigrant families. This rate naturally decreases among individuals who have independent economic power.

Rezzan's Years In Germany And The Cycle That Lasts For Generations

Ayşe’s older sister went to Germany and gave birth to 3 children one after another. They also gave thanks because all three of her children were born healthily. Because the probability of giving birth to a disabled child, which is frequently seen in consanguineous marriages, was high. They were lucky, all three children were born healthy physically and mentally. She spent all her pregnancy processes and youth years by living in the same house with Metehan’s mother and father, almost like a slave. Going out alone, buying something, wearing the clothes she wanted were forbidden. She lived in whatever way her mother-in-law deemed appropriate. They did not have a separate house until her children grew up. This process lasted almost 10 years; she spent all her days cleaning the rooms of Metehan's siblings, cooking for the household, hoeing the garden, and constantly apologizing to Metehan's family members for crimes she did not commit. Over time, she truly became guilty. However they treated her, she also learned to treat them that way, and all three of her children learned to fight, to gossip, to complain about everything in this environment.

Immigrant Psychology, Racism And The Influence Of Media

As a social fabric, racism is very common among immigrants. There is a mass of people, whose numbers can never be underestimated, who bring the matter almost to the point of "We are the superior race". As in other minority immigrant communities, there is a similar tendency in Ayşe's relatives who immigrated to Germany. You can think of it like this: Normally in Turkey, the flags of political parties with extreme nationalist tendencies are not used behind every car. On national holidays in Turkey, the red flag with the crescent and star is hung on the balconies of houses, this flag is officially the flag of Turkey, it is the common symbol of everyone who is a Turk and feels Turkish. When singing the National Anthem in schools, this flag waves. But that is all. We see the flags used politically in Turkey in daily life only during election periods. However, it is not like this in immigrant families. Although they live in European countries, they behave and feel much more political than the general public living in Turkey. This is an issue related to the feeling of being separated from the homeland. They hang flags and posters showing that they consider their race superior on their cars. They make the personal problems they experience with people who do not defend this ideology related to this issue. In a simple traffic accident, if they had this accident with a car that has the same flag as themselves, things are solved much more easily. In such situations, no one complains about each other. But otherwise, a minor accident can turn into an opposing group conflict in seconds. Cars are mostly driven by men; if women do not behave like men, their driving is not encouraged. Turkish television channels and series are always watched in homes. Series are specifically chosen from subjects that will feed their ideologies. Series that advertise a mixture of racism and mafia are among the most watched series. Men live by imitating the lead actors of these series in their daily lives. Women, on the other hand, spend their days dreaming of living like the female characters in the series, but they are not allowed by men to dress, speak, or behave like the women in the series. The men shown in the series are armed, they make a living from businesses like kidnapping and extorting money, and they treat women very harshly; they wear black suits... and so on. The female characters, on the other hand, do whatever the men want, they constantly look overly made-up and well-groomed. In the series, they are beaten by these successful and tough-looking men, they are imprisoned in houses, or a rival man who falls in love with one of the women is terribly punished... These are my personal experiences and thoughts that I had the opportunity to observe directly through my friend's family. You do not have to think the same thing as me and interpret the events in this way. Moreover, the same issue is behaviors put forward with their own culture and way of life among other immigrant groups as well.

A Universal Problem: Anger Arising From The Lack Of Basic Needs

For example, four years ago I witnessed a huge fight in Taksim, Istanbul. Both groups were not Turkish. Two black groups were attacking each other with sticks and knives. With their eyes completely red, their necks stretching forward, the veins on their foreheads becoming prominent, and their teeth almost sharpening. With their body postures preparing to beat, even to kill, they were ready to fight against anything that would stand in front of them. What I mean is this: Anger, extreme feeling of possessiveness, the urge to bring others to the state one wants by beating them do not only exist in Turks, but also in Germans, the French, and Africans. The feelings of grouping up as humans, not letting go of what we have at any cost, can easily persuade us to harm the other. There is another issue we absolutely must say here. The fact that ideological or ethnic groups organize against each other, against the original citizens of the country they live in, against the workplaces they work at, claim rights, make some sacrifices for this cause is normal in today's world where the three basic needs are not guaranteed, because it is mutual up to a point. But the matter does not end there.

Aunt Esmanur And The Chaos Within The Family

My friend's older sister Rezzan loved her aunt but did not love her as a mother-in-law. Aunt Esmanur no longer saw Rezzan as a niece but as a bride, moreover as an enemy bride; the two of them gossiped together about the daughter of the neighbor across the street because she wore jeans. Hearing this, Firuze —Aunt Esmanur's daughter— never could say this even though she wanted to wear jeans, because according to her mother and her sister-in-law, the daughter of the neighbor across the street was immoral because she wore jeans. Their other neighbors had planted their trees right on the edge of the garden; their leaves were falling into Aunt Esmanur's garden, they were disrespectful, ill-mannered neighbors; did Aunt Esmanur have to collect these leaves? They were uncouth. Aunt Esmanur's brother Uncle Bahir lived right on the opposite street; Uncle Bahir had five children. Aunt Esmanur's children and Uncle Bahir's children were constantly beating each other. According to Aunt Esmanur, they were guilty, according to Uncle Bahir's wife, Aunt Esmanur's children were guilty. Brides were enemies, sons-in-law were live-in sons-in-law, siblings were snakes. In this chaotic environment where no one could get along with each other, even a simple event experienced outside this environment was becoming a huge matter of the homeland. I realized that the same behavior is extremely common among Arab immigrants, Syrian and Afghan immigrants in Turkey as well. The issue is not their races or which country they live in. The main issue is that their three basic needs are not guaranteed. When these needs of ours are not guaranteed, we become aggressive, and it is very easy for us to find any reason for the harm we cause. Furthermore, the reason does not even need to be logical. We can take a stick in our hands and hit the other's head, because the thing we thought was education has taught us nothing. A true education is an education whose borders are determined by clear lines and which is common for all humanity.

What Was Aunt Esmanur's Real Need?

Aunt Esmanur, who saw her daughter-in-law as an enemy, needed only 3 things: Healthy food: (She smokes cigarettes and drinks coffee all day long, spreads chocolate on her bread, finishes a large Nutella jar in just two days, is overweight and a high blood pressure patient.) Safe living space: (Aunt Esmanur never saw respect as a woman, she was married off at the age of 14 and was taken to Germany as a wife by her husband. Her husband was also her aunt's son; in her first years living illegally in Germany, she was forbidden to open the curtains of the house she lived in. Her husband beat her every day.) The "Love your neighbor as yourself" education: (Aunt Esmanur's neighbors never loved her, and Aunt Esmanur did not love them either; she even gossiped about her children whom she thought she loved, she criticized others unless she felt safe, and others who experienced similar experiences with her also criticized her. She did everything to others that she did not want to be done to herself. She made her daughter-in-law Rezzan experience all the problematic experiences she suffered from living with her own mother-in-law.) I will explain the issues related to Aunt Esmanur in detail later. Now, I want to talk about Mecnun, the middle of the three children of Rezzan who grew up in this chaotic environment I just mentioned.

The New Generation: Mecnun And The Hate Born From Chaos

Mecnun loves to play the baglama and make music for racist young people like himself. He has a lot of followers on social media. Apart from this, he hates being in Germany, he hates Germans and all other races as well. He is not satisfied with this either; he hates everyone who is not a "pure race" as much as himself and who is not a Muslim. This is exactly the result we expected to happen. No matter which child you put in the chaotic environment above, the result you will get will not be different. Mecnun has been imitating the lead actors in the series he has been watching since his childhood. He sees a woman who dresses, wears makeup like the girls in these series and whom he can lock up somewhere and beat as the ideal woman. He considers it his right to make his living solely because the rest of the world has to feed him due to the superiority of his race.

Only One Solution: Deciding On A New World

It is too late now to blame Mecnun, his mother Rezzan, cultures, the immigration policies of countries, Rezzan's husband, Aunt Esmanur, or God. All these happened, and there is one thing we can do right now: To make a decision that will radically change our lives. This decision is about determining our focus. We decide to repeat this until everyone in the world gives the same answer to the question "Why do I live?": Healthy food for everyone Safe living space for everyone The "love your neighbor as yourself" education, which is the education about the meaning of life Perhaps it was not possible until today. But it is possible now. We support cameras being everywhere. I want to bring to life a pilot application area where we will use all of the artificial intelligence, robotics, automation, and software technologies to guarantee the three basic needs, and spread this area by expanding it a little more each year. Healthy food for everyone is possible with food forests. Safe living space for everyone is possible with natural materials in natural environments with 3D printers and robot technology. The "love your neighbor as yourself" education is possible with the stations I will establish in education corridors controlled by AI-supported cameras. As an environmental engineer, I declare that these three basic needs are an inseparable whole, and moreover, I know that this is a spiritual life, the stair step of our age reaching to God, which will carry us from our animal bodies to the level of a true human. We will touch upon all the social issues mentioned in this section one by one in the following sections.