Is There A Way Out For Elanaz Who Is Trapped Between Cultural Conflicts?
The Life Of Elanaz In The Netherlands
In this section, I want to tell you about Elanaz. Elanaz is 27 years old and the daughter of a Turkish family living in the Netherlands. She was born and raised in the Netherlands. Because her mother did not speak Dutch, it was very hard for her to learn the new language when she started school. Because of this, she fell two years behind. This situation left her older in age and behind in knowledge compared to her classmates.
Cultural Differences And Family Pressures
She was not allowed to dress, speak, or go out like her friends. Because culturally, being Dutch and being Turkish were very different from each other, especially for girls. Her mother wore şalvar trousers, but the mothers of her school friends wore jeans; her mother wore a headscarf, but her classmates’ mothers blow-dried their hair; according to her mother, wearing make-up was a sin, but Elanaz’s classmates wore make-up; for her family, pork was dirty and not to be eaten, but her friends ate ham sandwiches; the other girls had boyfriends, but Elanaz could not even think of such a thing—because if she got a boyfriend, her father might kill her. Because Elanaz’s mother did not speak Dutch, she had to go with her mother to the hospital, the bank, or shopping and act as a translator whenever needed.
The Impact Of Traditions On Education
She could not continue her school life any longer, because after she entered adolescence the cultural differences affected her even more. For swimming lessons at school, it was necessary to wear a swimsuit, but for Elanaz there was no option that would both look nice in the eyes of her friends and be seen as moral by her family. When she wore a loose, full-body swimsuit, both her classmates and her teachers looked at her strangely. The round body curves that her friends proudly displayed were shameful for her; so she always wore T-shirts and trousers a few sizes too big.
Life After Leaving School
No one talked to her. Her academic performance was also low, so she decided to leave school. Her mother and father did not say no, because she was already 15; for migrant Turkish families, a 15-year-old girl could already get married, and not going to school would be better. In fact, if she kept going to school, her morality might be ruined. When Elanaz left school, she felt very happy. She no longer had to study, pass exams, or endure the harsh looks of her friends and teachers.
Expectations Versus Reality
Her family’s expectation was this: A relative who had a son would ask for their daughter as a wife, and then they would marry off Elanaz; drums and zurnas would play at the wedding, gold bracelets would be put on Elanaz’s wrists, folk songs would be sung, wedding pilaf would be eaten; Elanaz would give birth to at least three children, and they would enjoy their grandchildren.
But it did not happen that way. Today, Elanaz is 27 years old, and the only thing that makes her attractive as a wife in the eyes of her relatives or young men in Turkey is that she is a Dutch citizen. However, even that must not have been enough, because she has been waiting for her prince on a white horse for 12 years. She has neither a profession nor any security; she has nothing except the advantages that come from being a Dutch citizen. Moreover, her Dutch is getting worse and worse because she just sits at home with her mother and gossips in Turkish.
Gender Double Standards In The Household
She has never had a boyfriend; since holding someone’s hand or falling in love before marriage is already both a sin and immoral, she only imagined it but never told anyone. Her two younger brothers, on the other hand, do the exact opposite and go out with different girls every day; they even sometimes bring these girls home. Their father is proud of these young men. The young men can stay out with their friends until late at night and naturally speak Dutch like their mother tongue. Because they are male, everything that would be considered shameful for Elanaz is allowed for them.
The Struggle For Self Identity
So what obstacle stands in front of a 24-year-old young woman who is actually at an age where she can make free choices? On the surface, there is no obstacle at all. If she wants, she can build her own life. If she wants, she can get married or find a job and work; she can make new friends and transform herself. But she cannot do it. Elanaz does not even know what she wants.
You may never have experienced what Elanaz has been through. If you know everything you could do but cannot find the strength to lift a finger, you are not alone. Most women between the ages of 16 and 35 are in this situation. They cannot work, they cannot live the way they want, and they do not fully know what they want. If she is Dutch, she thinks about which shade of lipstick suits her, and if she is Turkish, she thinks about which color headscarf suits her. A moment later, she searches on Google to find out what she should wear to be successful in a job interview.
The Path To Feeling Safe
Today I will tell you what Elanaz needs to focus on, and if you are a woman in this age range whose mind is confused, what you need to focus on as well. First of all, you need to feel safe. Right now, you cannot find this. To feel safe means this: When you are walking on the street at dusk, knowing that the man walking a few meters behind you will not harass you. Knowing that your monthly bills have already been paid and that all your future bills will also definitely be paid. Knowing that when you go home, a delicious slice of cake is waiting for you in the fridge. Knowing that even if you forget to lock your door, no one will try to enter your home. It means that your three basic needs are guaranteed.
The Three Basic Needs For A Better Future
1 — Food: Both Elanaz and you need to be nourished with healthy food for a lifetime. For this, we will replace pine trees and lawns in all parks and landscaping areas with apple trees, apricots, and edible vegetable gardens.
2 — Safe housing for everyone: Even though Elanaz has reached the age of 27, she still cannot live in her own home, even if she wants to. Whether you are married or not, you also need a safe living space of your own. This means having cameras everywhere. Safe and natural homes that are monitored twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week by cameras and built by three-dimensional printers integrated with food forests are possible with today’s technology, and we will build them.
3 — “Love your neighbor as yourself” education: For the first two needs to be sustainable, both Elanaz and her family, and you, need this education as much as you need bread and water. We will design this education as a corridor that contains a series of simulations. We will pass our generation and the next generation step by step through this corridor. Since I have already talked about this corridor in detail before, I will continue in my next speaking texts by referring back to it.
A Technological And Educational Vision
Take a look at my talks where I explain why I support having cameras everywhere, robot technology, and artificial intelligence. What I am doing here is this: clarifying our focus. We have already spent thousands of years trying and failing to solve problems by punishing or rewarding individuals one by one. My claim is this: If we guarantee that everyone’s three basic needs will be met, then we can truly define a person as guilty or innocent.
In the current system, we have endless excuses to lie, to take what belongs to others by trickery or force, to apply psychological or physical pressure, to exclude them culturally, or to declare them destined for hell in the name of religion. But why would someone whose three basic needs are met and guaranteed put pressure on his daughter for cultural or religious reasons? Why would he forget that the girls his sons go out with are also another father’s daughters? He cannot forget, because a father who has gone through the “love your neighbor as yourself” education knows that whatever sacred values he adopts for his own daughter, he must adopt the same for other fathers’ daughters as well.
A Future Of True Freedom
Why would a version of Elanaz and her mother whose three basic needs are met marry early and wait for a husband to save them? They would not. Because they would already be living peacefully in safe homes surrounded by food forests, where they could live alone if they wished, socialize as much as they wanted, and have their safety ensured twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week by cameras. Would Elanaz’s friends exclude her because she did not speak the language well or did not wear make-up? No. Language differences or the privileges or status created by objects that can be bought with money would disappear in the artificial-intelligence-supported “love your neighbor as yourself” education corridors.