Is A Marriage Built On Diamonds, Or On A Shared Purpose?

Ayşe And The Ring

Ayşe is my next-door neighbor across the hall.
She is thinking about getting a divorce, and she often tells me about it, asking me to approve her reasons as justified.
Ayşe has a huge wedding ring and is eager to show me her diamonds.
Sometimes I think she comes not to complain about her husband, but simply to show me this massive ring.

However, a wedding ring, in many cultures, is jewelry worn so that women are not considered potential partners by other men—that is, so it is clear that they are married.
It is not worn because of its size, but to signal “I am married” to other men.

The Wedding That Looked Like Another Planet

Ayşe told me many things.
For example, her husband apparently loves eating garlic yogurt, but Ayşe hates the smell.
They have not even been married for a full year yet.

She also showed me their wedding photos.
Both they and the relatives who attended the wedding looked as if they were from a royal family.
Everyone was very flashy; because of the sparkle of evening dresses and the makeup, it was impossible to recognize people.
It felt as if this were another planet.

The men looked like movie stars, and the women looked like ladies of the court of Queen Elizabeth I.
Normally, you would see these people at the market wearing cotton sweatpants and plastic flip-flops.

They looked as if they had decided to spend all the wealth they would ever have in their lives on a single wedding night.
People who normally walk around in T-shirts bought from the market were dazzling in tuxedos and tulle, beaded, ruffled evening gowns.

Aunt Kezban And The Red Dress

When I saw Aunt Kezban, who lives in the apartment two floors below, in the photo, I could not believe my eyes.
Normally she can barely climb the hill wearing the flannel trousers she brings from the village, but at the wedding, dancing to the song “Ankara’nın Bağları” in a bright red, low-cut tulle dress, she did not look tired at all.

When she climbs the hill, she struggles a lot and walks while sighing and puffing, looking around as if hoping someone might take the bags from her hands.
Apparently, she had drunk an energy drink before coming to Ayşe’s wedding.

Coffee, Diamonds, And Divorce

The other day Ayşe came again and suggested that we drink coffee together.
She touched the steel coffee pot with the diamond ring on her finger, and there was a “clink” sound.

She made Turkish coffee while deliberately showing off her ring and started complaining about her husband again:
“I swear I’m sick of this man, I’m going to divorce him,” she said.

If you were going to divorce him, why did you get married, I snapped for the first time.

She sat down on the kitchen chair, placing her hands on top of each other like in the Mona Lisa painting.
She rolled her hazel eyes toward the coffee cup.
She stayed silent for a few seconds, then said that she wanted a bigger ring, but her husband did not buy it.

“This one is already very big, why do you need a bigger one?” I said.

If she were hit by a car on the road and sold that ring, it would apparently support her for only two months.
That is why she wanted to save money.

I was about to say that you clearly spent a lot of money on the wedding, but I held my tongue.

When Money Replaces Trust

The more diamonds there are on your engagement ring, the faster you get divorced.
That is why, when money replaces trust in a relationship, divorces increase rapidly.

Women want to feel secure in life.
They want to know what will happen tomorrow.
They want to know whether they will be able to feed their children.

That is why instant material values create a false sense of security in insecure environments.
The ring is huge, but there is not even a crumb of love.

Voluminous wedding dresses, rented halls, even the vanilla cream on the wedding cake turn into a pumpkin in an instant, just like on Cinderella’s party night.

The Three Things Women Actually Seek

Women, even if they are not aware of it, search for only three things throughout their lives:

1- The guarantee of healthy food for life
2- The guarantee of safe living spaces for life
3- Lifelong education about the meaning of life

Apart from these, neither young girls of marriageable age nor other women have any other needs.

Wants and needs are not the same thing.
For example, after marriage your family will need to eat eggs every day, but the cream-filled cake at the wedding is just a want.

A smart woman knows very well how to distinguish her needs from her temporary desires.

The absence of even one of the three basic needs creates an environment in which a woman does not truly love her husband.
This is what happened to Ayşe.

How Ayşe Was Labeled

Moreover, when she said, “I want a bigger ring,” in the eyes of her husband and his family she turned into:
someone obsessed with luxury,
someone who is not satisfied with little,
someone who wastes her husband’s money unnecessarily,
a cold-hearted woman.

They started not liking her posts on social media and criticizing her.
They began to see her like a tick on her husband’s back.

Questions Every Woman Should Ask Before Marriage

I prepared this section for women.
Before getting married, ask yourselves:

What is the purpose of this marriage?
To have children?
To show off?
Love?
Sacrifice?
A business relationship?
To become rich?
Sex?
Or a sacred union in which you will work together for common goals?

Every reason for marriage other than the last one I mentioned is a marriage only on paper.
If you do not have a common purpose, you will feel lonely even if you are married.

A Purpose Bigger Than Two People

So what should the common purpose be?

A purpose that concerns only the two of you is too small.
It fades away like a candle flame.

But a purpose that concerns the whole world binds you to each other so strongly that
your marriage ceases to be just a marriage and turns into a sacred covenant.

What is this common goal:

1- Healthy food for everyone
2- Safe living spaces for everyone
3- The meaning of life, which we call the “love your neighbor as yourself” education

Why Such Marriages Do Not Collapse

For couples who shape their marriage around guaranteeing these three things,
separating from each other,
staying resentful for long periods,
divorcing over a ring,
or spending weeks in stores and fitting rooms for a dress puffier than the other bride’s dress
is not possible.

There are entertainments such as birthdays, weddings, celebrations, and bachelorette parties that last only a few hours but damage the family economy for a lifetime.

After a clown jumps out of the wedding cake, no matter who you are, cooking an omelet for your husband the next day will feel strange.

What kind of roller coaster is this?

From Queens To Ordinary Women

Even when Queen Elizabeth I of England appeared before the public to celebrate the Armada victory she had won against the Spanish after the death of the man she loved, Robert Dudley, she could not feel joy.

How can an average woman be happy when she takes off such a voluminous wedding dress, puts on her fleece pajamas,
puts down the glamorous wedding bouquet and picks up a dust cloth?

When Marriage Ends At The Beginning

If you married to have children, your marriage is already over when the child is born.
Even if you live in the same house, the purpose has been fulfilled.
Why should you endure a man who loves eating garlic yogurt any longer?

If you married to become rich, the moment you signed the papers you became a partner in the man’s wealth.
Why should you respect that man’s mother?
If you divorce, you will receive a lot of alimony.

If you married to show off, you wore the voluminous wedding dress and shared the photo on Instagram.
Why would you spend a lifetime with a man walking around the house in striped pajamas?

The Sacred Union

But if you sat down, talked, and said, “All of humanity needs us,”
and from today onward asked:

How can we produce healthy food for everyone?
How can we provide safe living spaces for everyone?
How can we both practice and spread the “love your neighbor as yourself” education?

This is the sacred union of two people in the presence of God.
May they be blessed.

They know that a seven-layer food forest is more valuable than all diamonds.
They know that creating open community gardens for the society they live in suits them better than even the most voluminous wedding dress.

They start their day with the “love your neighbor as yourself” education.
Whatever they do, they do it only to guarantee the three basic needs for all humanity.

In other words, they master this education.

Motherhood Beyond Biology

They are now ready to be parents—mature, intelligent, and an ideal family.

If you do not have such a purpose, you will eventually be unhappy.
If you want to keep looking at and counting the diamonds on your ring, please leave my channel.

A real woman knows that she is the mother of humanity, even if she has no child.
A woman who asks her husband for diamonds instead of land she can cultivate to feed humanity with healthy food is doomed to be unhappy.

She should express her repentance before God and immediately change her mindset.

When women know what they should want, men follow them.